Can you forgive?

It was a powerful event yesterday taking social media by storm. A young man pleading with a judge to hug a woman convicted for killing his brother. He said “he was only speaking for himself and hoped she would find in a higher power”. It was a true testament to what forgiveness truly is. He truly was living his faith.

Of course, many people say that they would not be able to do that. They would use the hate and anger to force themselves to go on. There are strong cases to be made on both sides. Neither side is right nor wrong. We need to look at forgiveness as the same way we look at grieving.

The forgiveness process is about not letting the situation hold you down anymore. You do not need to do it for the other person. You need to do it for you and on your time. Some people do it in a letter. Some people do it face to face. Others do it in a therapist’s office. There is something about saying those words “I FORGIVE YOU”. We all have someone who did something to hurt us. We can carry around the burden and the hate. We can carry around forgiveness and love.

We can not judge a person for forgiving on his or her terms. We can only embrace the person who we want to forgive. Until we can share our own forgiveness with others, then we are truly being free from the hurt. Forgiveness allows us to become better people. It allows us to always seek the good in others.

We all need to learn how forgiveness is possible.

Never forget

The above quote came across my desk. The background to the quote is how much will it cost you to obtain the things you want that you lose the things that you have. We are all chasing that next big dream. We are chasing wanting the next best car. We are chasing wanting the next better house. We are chasing everything, but we forget the things we do have.

We forget that we have the love of others. We forget that we have the freedom to choose the next best thing. We forget that we have faith. We forget that we are able to have a roof over our head (even if it is not the best). We forget that we have food on the table. We forget that we have clothes. We forget that at least we are able to take our next breath.

While we are looking for the next best thing, do not lose sight of the things and blessings you do have. Do not lose sight of the love and gratitude of the people you have around. Do not lose sight of the blessings you bring to others. Do not forget that you are enough and worthy of the blessings you bring to others. Sometimes, you just need need to be reminded that you are a joy to this world. Those things you are chasing are fine, just do not lose sight of the present!

Are you too much?

Are you too much? Have you heard that question? Did anyone ever tell you that you are too much? On occasions, we will get those questions. I remember the one time I was teaching. My students kept making bird sounds like teenagers do. This particular student wanted to get on my nerves or get a reaction out of me. So every time the student would make the bird sounds, I would say tweet tweet. I was going to tweet on twitter the hashtag of whatever it was.

Well, the class was getting tired of hearing me say tweet tweet. Yet, they knew I would only stop if the bird noises would stop. One of my students goes to me, “You know, you are just tooo much.” All I could do was laugh. However, reality is we are all too much for someone. Our laugh is too much for someone. Our talking is too much. Something will always be too much for someone.

Yet, it does not mean you need to change. You are perfect. You are loved. Someone will always be happy to see you. You will always get on someone’s nerves. Just remember you are enough. You will just not please everyone. It is okay because you are loved.

Some times we need

Sometimes we need something but can not put our head on it. We feel like we need something. So we go to the store and buy something. We buy shoes. We buy food. We buy clothes. We buy drugs. We buy whatever it is to feed the soul. Yet, the reality is food does not give us what we need. Yet, the drugs do not give us what we need. The material things do no give us what we need.

What we really need is love. What we really need is for someone to call us out on our bullshit. Sometimes we need people to say that the smile is fake. Sometimes we need the human touch, but we do not know where to begin. Where do you begin when you have years of hurts, sorrows, joys, and every other emotion pounding on your heart? Who do you even begin to share the story with? More importantly, the raw feelings how will they be perceived. Will all of our fears come true?

The truth is we are looking for everything else to hold us together. We are looking to materials. We are looking to things that will never call us out on our bullshit. We need people to be brutally honest with us. We need someone to be our safe place to fall. We need to know that we are more than everything else. We need to be more. We need that person to be our rock because right at that moment we can not be our own rock.

Just remember that when you are that person who needs to be called out. You will also be that person who needs to call someone else out. You need to know that it is about love. And one day in the future, you will be able to understand that life is more.

Been awhile….

It has been some time since I updated the website. I have been lacking on doing the website and Facebook page. I guess we all lack on something when we are doing too much.

There are some new things coming for Shore Life Coaching. If you need to schedule an appointment, please get in touch with me.

Power to our thoughts

Human emotions are like weather patterns. For example, let’s talk about suspicion, doubt, self-doubt, judgment, worrying, anger or any other destructive thinking patterns. First, I would like to let you know that there is no such thing as perfection, and it is okay for you to have negative thoughts. It is okay for you to have angry thoughts and it is just fine for you to even have judgmental thoughts. All human beings have these thoughts come upon them throughout the course of their lives. For example, let’s say that you’re standing in the grocery line getting ready to check out. And let’s say that the person in front of you has a voice and demeanor that grates upon your being. Without your choosing, suddenly like a storm cloud that appears in the sky, emotions of judgment or negativity may begin to form in your mind. This is normal, and it does not mean that you are a bad person. However, what happens next is the most crucial and important decision-making process and point of empowerment that will ever happen in your life. At the instant in which these emotions and thoughts begin to form in the mind, we each have a choice at that moment whether or not to give power to these thoughts. We have a choice to continue to entertain these thoughts and feelings by giving them the power of our attention, or we can choose to not entertain the thoughts. There’s an old Indian story about a young boy who went to his tribal elder and told him that he felt like there were two wolves engaged in a ferocious battle inside of him. He said that one wolf was good, and the other was bad, and that these two wolves constantly fought. He asked the elder, “which wolf will win”? The elder responded, “the wolf you feed the most will win the battle.” The thoughts that we feed by giving them our energy, time and attention will always win.
— Bryant McGill

The decision process is one that is going to affect us for the rest of our lives. The decision we make is going to either cause us much joy or it is going to cause us great regret. Yet, we make decisions every day. Those minor choices affect the big choices. The big choices affect the feelings we have. At some point, we need to face the decisions. We need to make the choice to allow our decisions to eat at us or allow our decisions make the world a better place. We also need to remember that the decisions we make the best ones we have at the time. Sometimes, those decisions are going to cost us big time. However, we need to take the jump.

So jump and make the decision. Feed your decisions.

It has been awhile….

Life has been crazy for a woman who runs her own business, teaches at a high school, and has a host of other things on her plate. Of course, some things have been put on the back burner. One of those things has been the website. While my business partner has been doing a lot of the speaking engagements, I have been slacking on my end of the bargain.  Yet, I am lucky to have a business partner picking up the slack.

Shore Life Coaching has some great summer adventures coming up. There are many programs that have been booked. There are also some great speaking engagements coming up. My favorite one that I have done over the last few summers is going to be a few days. I am grateful to the organization and the great turn out. This year I am speaking on relationships. It is something I am looking forward too.

Of course, the eating disorder talks are always big. This year will be the two weeks of talking about how eating disorders affect our relationships. It sold out again within hours. There are the body image talks. We are also focusing on bullying and the strong feelings it produces. These are just some of the great talks we have going on.

In my personal life, I have been busy being an educator. It is bittersweet to be closing the door on this school year. There was also my amazing vacation to Israel. Yes, I am planning my next trip back. I have been busy with grad school and finishing up another degree. Maybe a move is in the cards for this summer. Hope you all have a sun filled sun!